When Wendy and I got married in 1979 a few people seemed concerned. I never quite understood, but they did. One of my friends felt so strongly refused to come to our wedding noting in his advanced wisdom that I was making the biggest mistake of my life. Yes, that pretty much ended that friendship. Of note, he married two years later and when he had young children his wife ran off with another man. I don’t feel any joy in noting this, but it struck me then and even now, that the arrogance of thinking he knew the outcome of our lives and yet could not see his own… isn’t that tragically ironic.
As I listened to the song written by Andrew Petterson about his own marriage I thought of us… yes, marriage is dancing in a minefield and there is nothing more important to building a life together than keeping promises – big and small – and building trust.
No trust, no relationship.
So I don’t know where you are in our relationship and how you feel about your future but I can tell you there is no shortcut to joy and anything worth having has a big price.
I acknowledge with haste that relationships take two and you might argue even more when you consider the implications of bringing two families together, but at the very least without an agreement to keep your promises by both parties you cannot force a relationship to move forward.
I have said in the past, marriage is never 50/50…. my assumption going into this was and is that if you go into the relationship prepared to give 100% with little expectation to receive you’re likely to end up in a relationship with a deep sense of commitment and there is joy.