When we were in youth work, I was always looking for a story or something funny but not too long to use when we were trying to engage our young audience. I found this one and boy did it work – sometimes more effectively with the youth workers than even the kids… but because everyone knew the story of the three bears (and of course Goldilocks) it worked well. I would give them the “Italian version” and I would read it to them…and then of course I would read the translation. It always brought about some laughs.

Now in the age of political correctness… I present to you the script.

(di’sse libretto is e for dos iu laicho to foolow di spicher wail isc spiccche)

Uans apponsa taim aus tri berres; mamma berre, pappa berre, a bebi berre.  Live inne

contri nire foresta.  NAISE AUS.  NO MUCHEGGIA.

Uanno dei, pappa, mamma e beibe go tooda bice, onie, fughette locche di doore.  Bai

enne bai commese Goldilocchese, sci garra nattinghe tudo batto meiche troble.  Sci

puschie olle fudde daon di maute; no live somme.  Dan sci gos appesterrese enne slipse in

olle beddse.  LEISE SLOBB!

Bai enne bai commese omme di tri berres, olle sonnerbronde enne sand inne scius, dei

garra no fude; dei garra no beddse.  En wara dei goine due to Goldilocchese?  Tro erre

inne strit?  Colle puliddremene?

FATE CIENZE!

Dei uas Italien Berres, enne dei slippe onna floore.  Goldilocchese stai derre tree dase;

itte aute ausenomme en guista bicose die asche erro tu meiche di beddse, sci sei “go

jumpine de lak” enne funne omme to erre mamma, etllen erre aut sonofuguns di tri berres

uro.  Autsiuse?  Uara iu goine due – Go compliene sittiolle?

Translation:

(This letter is for those of you like to follow the speaker while he speaks)

Once upon a time, there was 3 bears; mama, papa, and baby bear.  Live in the country near forest.  Nice house.  No mortgage.

One day papa, mama and baby go to the beach only forget to lock the door.  By and by come Goldilocks, she got nothing to do but make trouble.  She pushes all the food done the mouth; no leave some.  Then she goes upstairs and sleeps in all the beds.  LAZY SLOB!

By and by comes home the 3 bears, all sunburned and sand in the shoes, they got no food, they got no beds and what are they gonna do to Goldilocks?  Throw her in the street?  Call policeman?

Fat Chance!

They is Italian bears and they sleep on the floor.  Goldilocks stay there 3 days; eat out of house and home and just because they ask her to make the beds she says ‘go jump in the lake’ and runs home to her mama telling her what son of a guns the 3 bears are.  What is the use?  What are you going to do?  Go complain to city hall?