I’m dealing with someone in my life who I would like to encourage and cheer on, but am finding them distant and defensive. Your first question is rightly have you talked to him? Good question, and the answer is yes. More than once actually. I’ve attempted to understand, hear and build a bridge but what I hear is that they are entirely focused on themselves and asking the question (about me) “why don’t you like me?”

But I do like you…I’ve tried to say. But this isn’t about whether I like you.

I can’t imagine relationships that built on one person in the relationship entirely fixed on whether they are liked. Seems immature. Seems a sign of insecurity.

Maybe this is why marriages don’t last – one person has made it about the other likes them no matter what is actually going on. Can you imagine that kind of marriage? How would that work? How do you talk about what is not going well, what you disagree upon?

That’s the challenge I find before me. Any sign that I might disagree, might be disappointed, might have found something that isn’t working, and it is seen as “not liking” that person.

So how to build a bridge? That is what continues to challenge me. How to get a hearing on issues that won’t be welcomed?

I’ve determined that I need to be quiet, friendly and work towards a time when I can say something in private and with empathy and insight. Now this “saying” will likely come in the form of good questions. I understand how questions can disarm – that’s where I would like to get.

In the meantime I need to pray that the LORD will open a door, provide an opportunity to provide encouragement and healthy dialogue.