Relationships are important. And the kinds of relationships we have tell us something about ourselves and enormously important in how we develop or continue to develop. Parents know this instinctively as they worry about the kinds of friends their children have.

If you’re a parent you’ve lived this. We ask questions about our children’s friends and we use our influence to try and guide our kids. We will try not to intervene but we will if we need to because we understand how important relationships are.

Can we see that for ourselves? Can we really see how our relationships effect us? It isn’t just about who we are in contact with, it is about what they do or say or value. We become swayed by this.

Wendy and I are in the process of mining new relationships. We are seeking to be a friend and we are seeking to have friends. And we have some ways of measuring those relationships. Here’s our questions…spoken and unspoken.

1. What is important to these people?
2. What stage of life are they in?
3. How receptive are they to our approach?
4. Do we have any common interests?
5. Is there economic status near us in some reasonable way?
6. Are there other considerations we need to think about?

So why these questions? Well, first of all, relationships need context. When we were young parents most of our friends were also young parents. It gave us some common conversations, and some common restrictions. None of us were likely to be going out at 9 pm unless we planned together to have home coverage – and when we did we shared a common joy! That’s not necessary but helpful to the development of the relationship. Secondly, I learned that having friends whose means are well beyond ours makes some experiences more difficult to have – they can simply do things we can’t. It isn’t that they can’t be friends, no they can be, but there will be times when we are simply left behind.

Lastly, and this grows more important to my thinking, we need people who we feel we can trust. They are going to have a sense of loyalty to us, and us to them.

Real friends are few. Most of our relationships are more about being acquaintances to good people, lovely people, even friendly people. But those are not the people I am talking about.

And what about us? What do we need to be to others?

Here’s my thought on that.

1. Someone who is open to approach – not so guarded no one can get close.
2. Someone who is willing to listen more than talk – most of talk more than we listen.
3. Someone who is not easily offended – because somewhere along the way we will be.
4. A person who will be loyal and kind – that signals trust.

So here we are on a journey – building relationships which are helpful to the neighbourhood, for the community.

And we’re praying that God will lead us in this journey – for I have always believed that God does lead. And where you are. God is willing to lead you.